A Broken Sonnet
by Hiiragizawa Ao'jiro
Summary: With a confused, tired heart, Eriol wishes to see Tomoyo. But all he could do now was dream… to drift away into the memories they once and will never have which now only exists in his mind...


Disclaimer: I do not own CCS. I also do not own Hale's Broken Sonnet (EMO OPM anyone?)

A/N: songfics are no more… I know, I know: so what's my point? Before reading, you should know at least one OPM EMO-rock song. After all, it's still written art only sounding even more romantic when aided by music. It's all right not to receive comments or reviews. I am open to criticisms; I don't mind having enemies too. Either way, I won't budge too much to leave your minds and your breathing space in disarray.

_Angst, angst, everywhere;_

_Emotions rise to the brink…_

_Angst, angst everywhere;_

_Now my ship will surely sink…_

Anyone's welcome to drop-in some of their misery points; I need my disease. Oh yeah: thanks for reading…

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_**A Broken Sonnet**_

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A one-shot CCS fan fiction by Hiiragizawa, Ao'jiro

Always suppressed by his sorrows, wallowing in tears unshed, his piercing, deep-blue eyes hid thoughts and emotions behind a pair of glasses. He only existed just to fulfill someone's dreams; namely, his precursor, or so as he is called. _His life_ was only worth until he had dealt with unfinished business; it was his former life, after all. And love? Where was it most of his life? People around him barely knew about him; alienated even within his own fortress atop a distant hill in Tomoeda from the rest of the crowd, keeping everything: his thoughts, wisdom, and feeling to himself.

His only companions were his two creations, necessary in order to keep forces of nature in balance. Sadly, he could not call them friends. For unexplainable reasons, they remind him of how barren this earth is without human foolishness. Just looking at them brings out the childish, and mildly sadistic nature of his; annoying them with his infamous, almost permanent smirk whenever they torture each other with sweets and the lies in form of comparisons: which one is greater than the other. Prejudice runs this world… and he is living proof. Everyone else thinks he is stone, the shell where the magick and memories of the once great staff-wielder resides in. Aren't we all here to suffer and hide amongst the shadows of the 'greater' kind?

Oh, yes, he _was_ that greater kind.

Trying to release the emotional build-up, he rose from the warmth of his infamous chair of endless visions (he could 'observe' anyone, anytime he wishes through the energy he gets from his death chair… _it is where he died after all_) towards the window.

Oh, how he wished he could hear her sing! Thus, he started thinking of the words to describe his feelings best…

Now I concede

On the night

Of this fifteenth song

Of melancholy

Of melancholy

But why was someone else in his mind? He must be too tired… of groaning and moping, twitching at least once in a while? That can never happen. His memories were distorted; imagine, not able to remember the one he loves most. And yet, those around him would say that they can never be. Perhaps the age? Besides, even well known faces trust their younger lovers, why can't they? If this is what he really feels, then he wants to tell it now to the whole world. Not if he can't help telling all how old he really is as his mind and his reincarnated precursor… But why does he think of love at this time?

And now I will

Admit in this fourth line

That I love you

That I love you

The wind, whistling a velvety tune, made the atmosphere more distressing than ever, remind him of the days when he was still able to feel. Feel sorry for forcing the young blossom to come out and do errands for him, though he sensed she was not feeling well; feeling pity for his delightful little descendant, not realizing what he feels for his successor. And those amethyst eyes… oh, those purple pools of painfulness, staring into space whenever they are together. And those who seem caring would say she was never lonely, or afraid. In fact, was he the only one who realizes how hurt she must be?

I don't care

What they say

I don't care

What they do

Without a care, he hummed the little tune the wind carried as he looked out to the night sky. Their garden has never looked so alive, it's glory basking in the moonlight, with the marvelous animal topiaries and those thick, blood red roses and pastel colored pansies and violets. And those clean white and beige Magnolias – oh, how she loved those flowers! And that one Cherry tree, still abundant with blossoms, soft and pink, reminded him of how her skin would appear (and maybe felt like), when trying so hard to be discrete with her blushes. With the sight outside not helping him ease up, he looked back inside the living hall, seeing the grand piano where he once made beautiful music with her to accompany her dulcet voice. Chasing her with one was much more fun… although he did feel hurt at the foolishness he displayed, and made the cherry blossom teary-eyed. Difficult as he can be oftentimes, his schemes were far from playful, and he wounds himself with the worst-case scenario; a vision that follows later. Heck, this powerful sorcerer does not know how to think before he acts until now!

And that is also how it all started… from one mistake he had done without thinking of the consequences…

Still, he smiled. His imaginary world in mind, there, she was the only one he was concerned about. No, more than concern… there was something more he was missing out on. _I should have no fear about this feeling_, thought he. _Seeing through someone is not something new to me… _

If only he could tell her – now - how much she meant to him…

'Cause tonight…

I'll leave my fears behind

'Cause tonight…

I'll be right by your side

He could only picture how she would look like when he tells her there is someone out there who cares for her. _And its me…_

All he could see was the longing for that hole in her heart to be filled. And she might neglect his actions towards her as simply 'cheering her up'. All she wanted were friends, to fill her hollow space with laughter and lively talk about life. Eriol, being himself and not his ancestor, felt the great need to see her face. Her soft, porcelain skin, and her long, silky hair in those curls… she has the persona of a goddess, only inside that beautiful mannequin (she masks her emotions throughout her expressions and graceful movements) is a distraught young heart, slowly decaying with no one to keep it whole and happy. If she must deny herself from her wants, then her life might as well be labeled useless. Yes, useless.

Just like his own…

Wherever she is right now, may she be halfway around the world, he knows she feels the same… he could only hope she thinks of him too.

The clock on the TV

Says its eight thirty-nine pm

It's the same

It's the same

Her voice once called his name out… although it was urgent; which was when she needed him to play a melody on the piano for her to sing along to. Her blushes were obvious to him, yet being born with a keen sense could be a lot of trouble. Think: fussing over her look when she turned pink, which was only an eighth more colorful shade than her usual tone. Noticing every change that happens to her, even trying to witness her agony, burying her face in countless pillows as she cries herself to sleep, he knew her too well. And as told earlier, he could have sight of anyone, and anything. He could not bear hearing her sobs anymore. All he wanted then was to stay by her side, help her let go of the biting emotions she had kept from her loved one for so long.

Still, he was wondering why she suddenly played in his thoughts…

And in this next line

I'll say it all over again

That I love you

That I love you

Now he feels like he is no longer alone. He is no longer just an empty shell, stopped growing for the sake of blending in with the woodwork. If he was stone, then what was this warmth? Moss that could break him down and make him crumble in anguish? He was already too depressed to know any more. No, this was not depression. Probably mirth that got him choking of sarcasm. Ha, someone like him would have known better! Still, the words repeat itself in his mind… he does love her.

I don't care

What they say

I don't care

What they do

He could not care less… the rise of emotions continued on, prying him open by his heavily pounding heart. She looked sad when she deprived herself of the heavenly feeling of love; whenever she could hide her starry-eyed expressions and blushes, she withered so slowly that not even the very apple of her eye noticed. He knew too well: even her mother once had these quite confusing feelings. What's worse is, she would wear a mask in the form of a deceiving smile, every waking moment of her life… like she never mattered; all but her beloved cherry blossom mattered. How could she do this self-murder? Anyone would agree that self-denial and pity both create a lethal recipe of disaster. Maybe someone as smart as her never recognized the self-help talks and groups that ease the pain of this world's cancer. How could she kill herself when he knows someone like him could help her love?

'Cause tonight…

I'll leave my fears behind

'Cause tonight…

I'll be right by your side

With her by his side, he will never have to let go of these feelings… he could share everything with her, make her, for once, feel what love is.

Eriol, walking back to his infamous chair of nightmares, sat and created a small gap from that parallel universe, called the mind. He only wished he could read her mind once more, even if she was halfway around the world far from him. Keeping in touch was not enough now. He needed to see her – badly. Too bad, what he saw only made his heart break…

Lie down

Right next to me

Lie down

Right next to me

And I

Will never let go

Never let go…

"_I don't want this anymore…" Tomoyo said to herself, hugging a pillow tightly to her chest as she sat on the edge of her bed; her eyes, still swollen and her cheeks stained with her tears. "I just want to let go… let go…"_

_She, again, hugged tight at the soft object, burying her face and filling the room with muffled sobs. His gaze softened, resting on her dark hair, hiding her face like a veil. He knew she felt hurt terribly. He could only wonder what it was she felt. _

_Then again, he wished he never asked._

"_I even helped myself letting her go," she thought to herself, "it still stings me."_

"_Sakura, I don't want to need you anymore. I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…" She continued to cry softly, her face still hidden. She felt so hopeless, that the thought of bleeding herself to death came and took control. Her heart clearly told her not to, and she followed. He could only help her think…_

"_There is someone still living and breathing on this earth… and he could give you happier memories…"_

_Yes, more than I could ever give you…_

_He knew how she cared so much about her beloved Sakura. So much that he saw her cry like this too many times already. _

Suddenly, he was back. He was sitting in his chair, the wind continued to howl, and the room as empty as it was before. He could still hear the sounds of her sobs, very melodious, yet sad to his ears.

I'll leave my fears behind

'Cause tonight…

I'll be right by your side…

His heart, once more, won over him. That drowsy, floaty sensation of wishing too hard was too much for his frozen, hard and tired heart. There will never be such thing. They will never be… There was, after all those days and nights of denying his feelings, Kaho, who cared for him now. All he wants was to know if he could truly love her as much as he used to love _her._

Lie down

Right next to me

Lie down

Right next to me

And I

Will never let go

Never let go…

He would never want to let go, not now that he has seen she wished for her heart to stop beating, of this love he has. But he will never know how she would smile at him, or if ever she cried out of happiness for once in her life. He could only think of the ways she could blush at the many things she loves and would love, and how she would keep herself demure though everyone around could only know too much. Oh, he could only imagine now how she would have felt if she ever let him love her, the warmth of her embrace, the tenderness of her kisses, the soothing tone of her voice. And the sound of her laughter, coos and purrs would only echo in his head, and he could only dream how they would fill the hollow vaults and rooms of his dwelling. Yes, all he could do now was dream… to drift away into the many memories they once and will never have; which now had only existed in his mind.

But still I see

The tears from your eyes…

Hopelessness taking over, he remained still. Beating himself brutally with a single thought, he was not meant for her, realizing only this time. There, alone in that empty hall, the wind no longer humming his tune. He tried to forget her, thinking to himself as he closed his eyes…

_Maybe I'm just _

_Not the one _

_For you._

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A/N: doesn't that just make you say 'aww…' instead of the usual sobs you get from angst? I would say so myself that this fic is not angst-y enough. And no, I actually like Ms. Mizuki Kaho – her character and the story of her life, although I do not like the original Eriol x Kaho pairing. Still, can't you thank someone for at least trying? How, you ask? BY REVIEWING, OF COURSE!


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